How to avoid an unpleasant divorce experience

Outstanding legal advice is essential when you are considering a divorce lawyer in Guildford, and here at Gregorian Emerson Family Law Solicitors, we can provide you with expert legal advice using our unique legal and psychological approach, combined with in depth analysis to fully understand your dispute.

Are you ready for the unpleasant consequences of divorce? You will benefit from a good support network at this time, i.e. family and friends who will be there for you both emotionally and practically when you need them. You will, at times, experience feelings of hurt, anger, failure, disappointment and loneliness. If you can accept this beforehand and have people in place to help you through it, then the process will go smoother for you. You will have to deal with other people’s emotions too, ones that you may not be ready to deal with or acknowledge. Things like your children's pain at their parents’ divorce, your parents, whose generation did not 'do' divorce. This will affect more than just the two of you, so be prepared.

In the UK we are currently experiencing a decline in the number of marriages ending in divorce. This could be due to a number of reasons, the main one is people are simply getting married later than before and many have also been cohabiting beforehand. Both of these are huge reasons why the divorce rate is lowering. However, according to statistics, the number of marriages ending in divorce is currently 42%. If one, or both, partners feel that the marriage is no longer working for them, then advice should be sought and divorce may be the best solution to the situation.

Going through the divorce process can be an extremely challenging and difficult time for both partners.  You will find yourselves blaming each other for the situation and may see a side of yourself emerging that you didn’t know existed prior to this process. You may find yourself acting spitefully or maliciously towards your soon to be ex-partner.  Many people don’t take the time to realise that when you say and do hurtful things towards each other you are not just hurting each other, but any children involved in your relationship too.  They will pick up on any negative behaviour they are surrounded by and this can have long term effects on them.  Most people post-divorce would agree that dealing with the emotional side of things was much harder than the legal side of things.

For many people the divorce process is a highly stressful time . Choosing to end your marriage to someone you were once in love with does not happen overnight and learning to settle into new and separate existences can cause one, or both of you, added stress.   You may find your mental and/or physical wellbeing is affected and that you find coping with it all difficult.  Some of the main causes for stress during the divorce will be:

Sorting out the financial aspects.
Worrying about how the children are coping.
Hostility towards each other and combative behaviour.
Working out new childcare arrangements that work for everyone.
Losing friendships and finding yourself alone.
Making new friendships.
Maintaining a relationship with your ex-partners family. (If you had a good one before)
Learning to do things your ex-partner used to do, i.e. paying bills etc.
Not allowing the children to play you off against each other.

Learning to recognise stress and being able to take action is important, as if left unchecked you may well find yourself becoming very unwell. Signs to look out for are:

Constant fatigue.
Frequent stomach or bowel problems.
Sudden gain, or loss, in your weight.
Trouble sleeping on a regular basis.
An increase in headaches, asthma, high or low blood pressure.
A lack of concentration and/or forgetfulness.
Unable to make a decision, or process information rationally to enable you to make one.
Excessive mood swings that come on suddenly and for no reason.
Becoming prone to crying easily, or frequently.
If you find yourself unexpectedly experiencing one, or more, of these symptoms it is highly advisable you seek medical advice and have yourself checked out by a professional.

It is important to remember that divorce brings feelings of loss, no matter how acrimonious things may become between you.  You were once in love and losing one another will entail dealing with these feelings and accepting that the relationship is over, whether you instigated the divorce or not.  You may not want the divorce and have not seen it coming, so there will be strong feelings there to come to terms with, as you may feel like you have lost a piece of yourself, a piece of your very identity.

Both of you will need to adjust to this separation and learn to live without each other.  Obviously you will miss the ‘togetherness’ of the marriage as rarely are relationships all bad, and there will be many positive memories to remember.  You may experience feelings of loneliness, even like you’ve been abandoned after so many years together.  You may compound this by not wishing to bump into your ex-partner, and therefore deliberately avoid social circles where you may do so, thus adding to your loneliness.  You may also find yourself isolated from social gatherings as friends just don’t know what to say, or are afraid of being accused of taking sides.  These are all normal feelings and situations and you will get through it.

As experienced divorce lawyers in Guildford, we recognise that there will be numerous emotional highs and lows throughout the divorce process.  However, once the divorce is settled it is important to try to maintain a respectful relationship between both of you, as there will be many times where, if you remain conflicted and hostile, it will impact not just you but your children and potentially extended family too.  These include, sorting out childcare and/or needing to adjust the agreed arrangement, maintain contact agreements, when the child is ill, if one of you remarries, if one of you has children with a new partner, when your children eventually marry and have children of their own.  The list is endless so the quicker you can come to terms with the divorce, and move forward comfortably, the better.  If you are unable to do so then you are at risk of your children not wanting to share family moments with you under the threat of hostilities flaring up.  Put your children first.

Try to visit your family and friends in person, or if that is not feasible then by telephone, or social media . It will help you to feel involved and also lower your own anxiety as you realise that life is still going on normally around you.  There are also plenty of support groups out there where you can go and voice any concerns you are having in a non-judgemental environment.  Be mindful that there will be times where you feel that absolutely nothing is going right for you and you can’t see the wood for the trees.  However this is just temporary and it will pass, just remind yourself of this and where possible, work actively to help improve the situation.

Adjusting to a new post-divorce relationship with your ex-partner is never easy, as divorce is one of the most stressful things you can go through in life, for everyone involved.  Make sure you take care of yourself, both physically and mentally and if it all feels like it is getting on top of you then do not be embarrassed to ask for help – either from friends and family, or professionals.  It is not a sign of weakness to do so, rather the opposite, as it shows you are recognising a problem and are taking steps to deal with it.

As Divorce lawyers Guildford, we are experts in dealing with your individual situation and are able to give you the best possible advice for your circumstances.  We have a wealth of experience in this area and will help you throughout the process.  We will always treat you as an individual and give you the very best advice we possibly can.

Contact our Divorce Solicitors Guildford and Cobham, Surrey and Central London

Based in Guildford and Cobham, Surrey and Central London, we can help you. If you have a family dispute that needs resolving we are here to help and look forward to your call.

Please call us today on 01483 826 470 and let us help you improve your situation.