Reasons for divorce

As expert Divorce Lawyers in Guildford, here at Gregorian Emerson Family Law Solicitors we deal with many couples experiencing difficulties within their marriages. Approximately one in three of these couples will go on to end their marriage with a divorce.

Nobody enters into a marriage planning on divorcing in a few weeks, months or years. We go into marriages expecting a lifelong journey together of mutual learning, exploration and growth with the person we are in love with. You anticipate a long and happy life together, with realistically the odd cross word or disagreement, after all you are two separate people and are entitled to occasionally have a difference of opinion.  On your wedding day, as you take your vows, this is the route that you fully expect your marital journey to take. However the reality can be very different. You should view your marriage as a garden. It can be a thing of great beauty, perfectly manicured and well cared for.  You can enjoy spending time within it, planting new seeds and enjoying the fruits of your labour.  However if you don’t pay attention to it, feed it and give it some love, you will find weeds starting to grow and if these are not attended to they can take over your beautiful garden and eventually destroy it.

We see many reasons why people’s journeys together have come to an end and they wish to divorce. The main ones are detailed below:

Communication.
Every single reason will come back to this one… Communication is absolutely key to any relationship and if you cannot communicate with each other you will never resolve any issues and divorce will seem the only likely outcome. As experienced divorce lawyers Guildford we see this time and time again.
Every couple will have the occasional disagreement. It is important to remember that this is entirely normal and you should have ground rules for when this happens, so that each of you feels respected and listened to. You are two separate people in the relationship and both came together with different personalities, ideas and perspectives of things, so disagreements or altercations can occur, but it important to discuss them rationally together. If you stop discussing issues together this can lead to arguments or feelings of isolation and can even lead you to stop caring for your partner. Ultimately a lack of communication will be a huge player in the breakdown of your marriage.

Financial.
Financial stress is a big worry for anyone. However if you and your partner are not on the same page when it comes to your marital spending habits you may well experience problems. If one of you is a ‘saver’ and the other is a ‘spender’ this can lead to problems as one of you is planning for the future, whilst the other is living for today. You may be happy to buy on credit, but your partner may want to save for everything so you have no debts, all this needs to be discussed as if you are not financially compatible, or can agree on a mutual way forward, then divorce may seem the only way forward. Another issue can be if there is a disparity in the wages you each earn. Your partner may resent the fact you earn more than them or vice versa. This may be something that occurs a few years in to the marriage after a promotion etc. but it is something that, again, you will need to discuss and take on board each other’s viewpoint, as it can cause a power play between the two of you.

Intimacy.
Within a relationship couples will often struggle with different sexual drives and appetites. This is also entirely normal as both of these can vary throughout our lives and can also be dependent on your life going on around you. We all need to feel nurtured and loved, but if there is a shift in the intimacy department, emotions can be escalated and lead to feelings of confusion and rejection. People will experience ‘off’ days and it is important to acknowledge this and to not allow it to start a downward spiral in intimacy. It can further lead to people pulling back from their partner as they feel unloved and unappreciated and before you know it you have become seriously intimately estranged, with no way back.
Intimacy isn’t just about physical contact, it also encompasses non-sexual actions like holding hands, or an impromptu kiss, a goodbye hug etc. Simply kissing each other ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ can go a long way, or a snuggle on the sofa at the end of the day – it doesn’t need to lead to sex, just being tactile with each other can be enough.

Infidelity/Adultery
If one of you looks outside of your marriage for their sexual or physical needs to be met, this will often be enough for the other partner to end the marriage, as once the trust has been broken it can be extremely difficult to regain, especially when it pertains to infidelity. It is important to acknowledge that there is not one stock answer as to why your partner, or you, would commit adultery.  Excitement, boredom, opportunity, retaliation, enticement, forbidden fruit, are all reasons why people have affairs. In today’s society, with social media etc. it has become much easier to meet new people if you are feeling bored or trapped in a marriage you are not happy in. Instead of discussing this they go elsewhere for their ‘kicks’.  A lot of the time it will be a ‘sympathetic’ friend or co-worker that will be the comforter when someone feels unappreciated, bored or fed up in their marriage and this can ultimately lead to an affair commencing.  As expert divorce solicitors in Guildford we have many years expertise in this field and can answer any questions you may have.  Our testimonials speak for themselves.

Families.
Families can have a huge impact on your relationship and be the cause of a lot of stress. You have come together as two people in love, but from two different families with different attitudes, or ways of doing things. You need to make your own rules, together, as to how you tackle things and how you live your lives. You can have a situation where the husband is still tied to his mum’s apron strings and refuses to budge on the way his mum did things. Alternatively you can have a wife who is incredibly close to her mum and is always inviting her over, so you feel she is always infringing on your time together.  Interfering in-laws can also be extremely stressful when they do not appreciate that you now have made your own marital life together.  Any of these situations can be a recipe for disaster if they are not discussed and a compromise reached.  If there are children from previous partners things can become even more complicated and cause you all more stress.

Religion
An inter-faith marriage, where both partners are from different religions, can totally enhance your lives and add a mixture of traditions to the household.  However it can also be a major boiling point, especially if children come into the equation, as differences in opinion of how they are bought up can become fraught with disagreements.  If you cannot agree on what part religion will play on your lives and any future children’s lives then this can cause resentment and turmoil.  If you are from different faiths then how you are going to bring up any future children should ideally be discussed prior to the wedding.

Ultimately if both of you are committed to making your marriage work there is plenty that can be done to help improve you lives together and to help you get your garden back into perfect shape and blooming once again, so you can enjoy it together.

If you need expert advice from an experienced Divorce lawyers Guildford then we are here, ready and waiting to help you.  If you are struggling with any of the issues above we can help resolve them.  Please feel free to contact us here at Gregorian Emerson Family Law Solicitors and we can help you with any queries or questions you may have.

Call us today on 01483 826470 and let us help you.